Does anyone read this?

If you do, lemme know!

The Interests Box.

When finally collapsing under the peer pressure to have a myspace account (http://www.myspace.com/76372048) , I was forced to think about my interests. My, are they wide-ranging.

I wrote

"International politics, feminism, reading, running, rowing, shopping, fashion, make-up, backpacking holidays, history, Eastern Europe, ambling around doing nothing, education, sitting in coffee revolution, art (modern, mid 20thC), pretty things, looking at buildings, life - my own and other people's. "

It's all true. The truest of all, i think, is the last bit: "life - my own and other people" Even now, i can still think of things to put on that list, and it would possibly be never ending. I mean, surely having an obsessive interest in ensuring that no toothpaste is wasted counts as an interest? And, erm, more normal things like cooking. Ballet. Historical houses. Re-arranging my books. Drama. The reason i'm interested in so many things i think is because i'm naturally fastinated by life and people. But if i wrote "life" in the box, people would assume that i have no interests.

Disabled?

I really hate this picture of me. It's not about me, but about my disability. Leaving aside the point that i'm too deaf to hear anything on those loop systems (thus assuming all deaf people are the same!), the much more serious point I want to rant on about......

The local press were covering disability awareness week, at the Union this week, and doing personal experinces of students (i'm one of them).
Wednesday morning, I turned up for the photoshoot, with the other three students.

Wanker GREETED US with "Oh. none of you look disabled"

Me: "um, no. but we all are."

Wanker: "It's a shame that none of you use a wheelchair"

Me: "Well, most people who classfy themselves as disabled don't use a wheelchair"

Wanker: "I wanted a picture of disabled people"

Me (getting into hot headed mode): "Well, you will. All four of us are disabled. The point of the week is to challenge people's perceptions, to make people rethink what it mean and is to be disabled. Give your readers more credit and intelligence than what you imply."

Wanker went on to take photos, then left saying that he didn't think that they woudl be used because "we don't look disabled"

I mean, what kind of attitude is that? The sheer irony is, it was meant to be a feature about hidden disabilities! Yes, so i don't look or act disabled, but my disability - created by society thank you very much - presents me with many challenges. Challenges i can overcome with the right sort of attitude from society. Which the wanker didn't have.

He went on to say "oh, could we borrow a wheelchair and one of you sit in it?" EH?! WHY? He's clearly got about two brain cells if he can't quite understand the issue of hidden disability, but furthermore, it's very insulting to those who do use a wheelchair!

And if this doesn't bother you, consider this. If a photographer turned up to a shoot and said "oh, you're not black enough" to a black person, everyone would be up in arms, and there would be all sorts of laws and stuff in place that would probably result in the sacking of the photographer.

The sad tradgy is, disability just doesn't provoke the same sort of reaction. It's just not trendy.

Budapest: Day 3

Most of the holiday was spent inside cafes, drinking hot chocolate and mulled wine. Generally in grand, opulant 18th century cafes, where I failed to look intellectual. Saved the best for the last day - the Gerband, where the hot chocolate was served in dainty china teacups (me a sucker for things like that), and it was proper plain dark chocolate, none of that reconsituted cocoa powder crap.

After another day arse faffing (which included me dragging Cat around an exhibition on the development of the Hungarian state, i'm such a fun person to go on holiday with), went back to hotel to find that it was flooded, so we were evacuated to another hotel. No biggie: we were upgraded to the Grand Hungarain. Natch.

Hungarian wine. Generally not bad. Avoid Portagiouse (think that's the spelling) grape, it's very fruity, and go for a Villary one, it's a good solid meduim dry.

Budapest: Day two.

Spent the second day arse faffing around Buda. For those not in the know, Budapest is two cities. Buda and Pest. The above picture (2) was taken on the Pest riverside looking over to Buda castle.

Actually, the day went like this. We got on the Metro, got off at Parliament (that was my idea of course, not Cat's!), where we kinda joined in on a protest, but had no idea what it was about, then I spied an Ethographic museum and dragged Cat around, waxing lyrical about emancipation of the serfs, then made her walk about two miles in the freezing cold around the old Buda Town.

Fantastic views, but twas so cold and foggy that the pics (1) aren't too great.

Went to a ballet for the evening. Snow White - not something that i had heard of as a ballet, but it was done fantastically well and was brilliant. Interesting note: for once, I was seriously underdressed wearing sparkly jeans and nice top. Most Hungarians go to the ballet properly dressed up - men and little boys in bow ties and waistcoats, girls in their best party dresses and the women get all their furs out.

Hungarian food. I loved it as I like sour cream and paprika. Unless you like that, you'll be buggered.

Budapest: Day one.

Thermal baths. Spent an entire day doing nothing but faffing around the lovely heated spa baths, hard work. Start off with a cold spa of 20 degrees C, then make your way up to spa baths of 40 degrees C. Watch the retired population of Budapest meet all their friends and lovers from days gone. Finish off with a spell in the sauna and a massage.

Very hard work, so had to recover with a lovely hot chocolate and cake afterwards.

Errrrr

Resolution update:

So far, i'm doing ok. I've only got two magazines this year: runners world - which i subcribe to anyway so i've already paid for that and Glamour, which my lovely friend Laura write for so I get all excited when I see stuff she's done.

Training for Reading is underway. I have managed to bully one of my course friends into doing it with me. I told Ally that it would be fun. hahahahaha. And I always seem to get very nice and muddy training sessions. I'm so diiiiiiirrrrrrty.

Other things i've been doing. Work. meh. Lots of coffee breaks. yay. Re-reading all my kiddie books now they are finally unpacked and WITH ME. Today was the Secret Garden and Grinny. Yay. Mooching. Yay.

Brand Sparkling Glittery New Year.

Happy New Year!

As i've wittered about on before, I think it's important to have acheivable and positive aims in life, things that are a bit difficult to do but not so difficult that it's impossible.

Last year I wanted to.... (insert quote)

"I've decided to see 2005 as my year of opportunities. This means lots of things.

• I will not worry about what i'm doing when I graduate (too soon now for my liking) but rather look forwards to the opportunities that will be open to me then.
• I will seize the chances that i want to take and not let self doubt hold me back, because heck I'm too young to have any regrets.
• I will instead of worrying about what my degree result will be, see my degree as one of many opportunities in life. Loads of people don't get the chance to go to university, I have, and put in this context, not getting a first is not the end of the world.
• and of course, the opportunities that I'll have in the next year to meet new people, make new friends and try new things.

And hell, I really think that I did well! A matter of weeks after I wrote that i decided what I really really wanted to do when i graduated (a PhD) and I thought - despite missing most of the deadlines that i woudl at least take the opportunities that various places gave me to try for funding. And I got funding. So that was rather yay. I did stop worrying so much what my degree result was going to be, and really, really REALLY loved my fianl semester because I was quite happy really pottering along with my work and managed to totally relax when out in the evenings. And then I got a first anyway. And yeah, I've made so many new friends this year, met so many interesting (and some boring) people and been to so many new places and tried lots of new things - like running.

But I think I want to be a bit more specific this year. I can carry on with the mindset I forced myself to develop this year.

So, this year, my positivie, acheivable aims are to

(1) Run the Reading Half marathon (April 9th, i would like suggestions of another charity to cajole people to support me. I've decided on the national society of deaf children as one, have no idea what the other is going to be).

(2) Write a totally aces and skill MA dissertation.

(3) To stop buying so many magazines. No more than three a month. So far I have got none this month, yay me. I am going to READ newspapers I buy instead of getting them and leaving them on the kitchen table for weeks before putting them in the recycling.

Big nann bread (sod atkins)

Flashback (3)

This is taken in one of the fab Sheffield parks. I dragged myself and my very hungover friends out the day after my birthday "for a walk" (turning into my mother moment). And I just think Sheffield is so pretty! No, I do! Spring and late autumn are the berst times to see the city, there's so many trees all over the place that you can either have lots of pretty blossom or lovely rusty dry leaves to kick about when you run through... heck, even when you walk to uni.

You can hear me coming during the autumn, because i shuffle all the way to uni and around campus through the biggest piles of leaves I can find.

Flashback (2)

Yes! it really leans! Dunno why it's come up with two pics, that's scary.

This is taken from one of my many holidays this year. I'm a lucky lucky lucky cow who goes off on holidays whenever i get the chance! Went to Pisa as part of a cruise with the whole family, the cruise was a bit cringeworthy and not really my type of thing (one does NOT like to be told what to do) but it was fab to be with the family en masse, even if i did get a bit worn out running around the ship playing scary child eating monsters with my icklist cousins.

Other holidays: Dublin with two uni friends in January after my finals, the month i spent in Sheffield unemployed after i finished my degree was stressfull because i was looking for a job BUt my rose tinted lenses have come out and all I remember are those amazing lazy days and feeling so relaxed and chilled out (humm), my third holiday was the family one, and before i started my MA, I went backpacking around Croatia. All fab for different reasons!

Yes, I burn very easily. Like my straw hat?

Flashback (1)

Ahhhh. This was taken on the day I had finished my history dissertation, which was very nicely timed with the day of the final year history ball.

God, I was SO drunk. Dunno how because I was too poor to buy any drinks; I think that me and Hannah pinched allt he wine from the first year tables.

Spent half the night in the girls toilets randomly screaching with the history girls and the other half of the night surrounded by men (this is no joke, all the other pics from the night might as well be labelled "me and my men")

Sadly, i've actually forgtton the names of quite a few of them. Christ, I only graduated in July! Senality indeed!

sorry. I'm still crap.

A not so sexy santa.... freaking heck, leave off me, I had just ran 5K in 28 frigging minutes. So Take That! Neeer.

So here's a random thought for the day. Christmas cake gives you terrible flatuance.

Meanwhile, i have been mucking round with my pictures while i have access to mummy and daddy's fancy computer equipment. It's been so strange, i've had a years worth of flashbacks - i took pics last NYE, history ball, graduation, one of my holidays, my 22nd birthday and this christmas with the digital. Next year i am going to ween myself off the 35mm and go all digital.

I may have to buy some fancy computer equipment of my own.

Thoughts

It's raining, I want chocolate and why has it taken me so long to write a 300 word book review (ok, it's written. nothing to do with the number of words as such, just i'm not happy with it) and my plants need watering, and i need to get dressed and tidy my room and do a stupid questionnaire and pick wallpaper samples.

beeeejesus. I've not written for months. AND months.

So, i'm going to make up for lost time now.

June: I spent the whole month looking for and failing to find a job. Wanted anything that gave money, and no-one wanted me. Also said goodbye to lots of people. That wasn't so nice. On the bright side, lots of BBQs, lots of lazy afternoons sitting in parks and in back gardens enjoying that fact that actually, had fuck all to do having finished the degree. Got a first which was very nice and obvis meant that I had to celebrate with lots of fizzy wine and babycham (having no job and consequently no money meant no champange, which i think i deserved). Moved out of my undergrad house.

July: Was employed. World's worst job ever, i swear. Scanning. And scanning. Hated it. Had nowhere to live for the first two weeks and slept on floors and people's spare rooms, living out of a suitcase. Being too poor to eat properly or go out and having to scavage lots of wine off George and money off parents because bastard bank wouldn't extend my overdraft and i didn't get paid till the end of month. The good things was a wedding in thatLondon which was wonderful, and graduation week when i took three days off shitty work and spent three days in a haze of drink and happiness and cheesy hat throwing and thinking "Oh. My. God. I'm doing a PhD" because I got the proper formalised letters from the ESRC who fund my PhD.

August: Wanted to die at this point, hated job so much. Managed to get promoted three times in course of one month which helped as it meant that I got promoted to the point of having to fuck all as i could delegate. Which gave me time to arse about on the internet. Being paid at end of july was good as it meant that i could (a) book my flights for my holiday, and (b) have jules, jonathon and george over frequently and we could sit around drinking wine till 4am, which on the whole was a great idea, but i did feel rough when i had to get up at 6am for work. Went on holiday with the family, and saw the leaning tower of Pisa, by heck, it really does lean. Loz and Ems came to spend bank holiday with me, and i got wasted and snogged an ugly guy at the Leadmill and we spent all day sunday eating doritos and watching The Great Escape. Highlight of the month was handing in my notice.

September: Went backpacking round Croatia. Mother darling did not like this one single bit, but i had a whale of a time. Highlights include arts and crafts museum in Zargreb, the bus trip from rejeka-pula, getting pissed with some irish people who could by god drink me under the bar in Pula, ending up on live croatian TV on a friday night entertainment show, singing. In Croatian. Having a fastinating conversation with a group of PhD students at the University of Zargreb, playing drinking games with a canadian and two americans in Ljublania, and finishing Madame Brovary at long last (in English. Not French. I feel the need to make that clear). Second half of September, started my MA and got very very drunk the third time i went out with people from my course. Spent the last two weeks of september not really moving from the interval, was socialising a lot with new course friends. Finally got a bed.

October: Still spending far more time in the bar than library, but it's very important to have a support network for the old PhD. Went to thatLondon to visit Hannah and lots and lots of my london friends and had a wonderful time; went clubbing at LSE, had a very sparkly coffee with liss and katherine, an equally sparkly breakfast in harvey nicks with Luce, and spent an entire day in the houses of parliament bar catching up with ally and chris. Purchased a puffball skirt (x2) and victorian blouse, very retro of me. Started to come up with PhD ideas, have decided that quite interested in how nationalism works in the heady gender and war brew, but still have no frigging idea what doing. Made pumpkin soup.

November: Panicked and realised that actually do have work to do. Not so much as to drag me out of the bar. Cat came up for the weekend and we drank wine and ate posh food till 4am on the friday, catchin up, went shopping on saturday, then out for a v. nice dinner at Las Iganas and posh cocktails, spent sunday in bed.

And that's pretty much where i'm up to now. Big plans to acheive things for my MA this month, like writing a questionnaire, book review and an essay, and might even start my literature review. Also my birthday coming up which is exciting, and it's all at the same time as the department's 40th birthday stuff as well, isn't that nice?

sisters doing it for themselves!

ellen: Doing what exactly: well for the last thre of four hours we have watched big brother and some weirdo programme on derren brown and been on the internet doing random stuff, yes we are tres sad.

Laura: Even worse, I was knitting. And counting all the spelling mistakes that ickle one has in that bit....

ellen: ywa alright and i cant even spell my name and put a capital letter at the beginning of it. my sister knits, i think i won that argument.

Laura: Knitting, i'll have you know is the new black/history/gardening. And a way of occupying myself since finsihing my degree. I can't DEAL with the fact that i really don't have much to do apart from function as a human, look for a job, socialise, socialise, socialise, read books and watch crappy things on telly. So, yeah. Knitting. I'm in a domesticated mood cos i'm gonna have my own house soon. ooooh... growing up is scary shit.

Ellen: okay I can spell properly now because Laura has stopped oinking the keyboard. Can I just say, she is far from domesticated, my mum asked her to sweep the floor earlier and she jsut had a look of horror and said "How can you expect me to sweep the floor?!" dear god. Talk about lazy.

Laura: To be fair, i said that i would do anything but sweep the kitchen floor, because Mum ALWAYs moans at me when i've done it for doing a rubbish job. As for the flea pit that forms my sisters' rooom............

Ellen: The best flea pit in the world.........

Laura: I can only hope that it's not too flea infested as i'm sleeping in there tonight. AND she bloody hogs the duvet.

Ellen: I dont thats a total lie. Shes going to roll on me i know it, and suffocate me with her size E or whatever brestuses.

Laura: 30E. and nothing to be ashamed of, just because i CLEARLY had allt he boobage genes going....... you KICK. HARD. I still have bruises from when you visted me in sheffield in MARCH!

Ellen: that's also a total lie. And can I jsut say i'm a B now, i think thats quite big really.

Laura: I just asked her in horror "are you?"

Ellen: this is not my faveourite bra okay!! do blokes go on this website thing?? theyre going to be slightly interested with this conversation GOD LAURA! any excuse to talk about youre huge boobs!!!!

Laura: Of course. I'm proud of them. anyhow, i figure that between us, we could attract every bloke in the world. The blond pretty skinny on (ickle sis) and the, er, one that mops up the rest who just want big boobs (me).

Ellen: OH!! for the love of GOD!!! dear god laura stop fishing for compliments!! Its like you're at a big ocean and you say "oh look a sea of compliments!! let's go fishing!!"

Laura: See, she's bright as weel. and a poet, and really doesn't know it. Blond one has lots of potentional, if a little all over the place. Although she's wearing a watch and i'm a disorganised bint who's not.

Ellen: yeah okay, i am nothing without my watch, i admit it, i actually would probably become nocturnal and not realise it i am that disorganized. Why are we talking about this?? its quater past twelve on a Sunday night??? wtf??

Laura: I have nothig else to do in life. Well, not strictly true, just not till October. And blond one has also finished all her AS levels

Well. It's clear that we're very very different. But i love her anyway. Even if she plays her music far too loud, insists on hanging around in dark rooms with no light, and has absolutly no order whatsover to her make up (it makes it harder to find anythign TO nick ffs), and she's always planning on coming up to see me and not talking to the parents about it, and makes me look like an awaful daughter etc etc but i still love her.

Ellen: to be fair, all i really wear is mascara, theres nothing to order!! but you love me wow!!! youve never told me before!!!! im feeling quite teary. *blub* okay we're probably going to argue about why i dont curl the toothpaste tube up into a little snail or something like that in a minute. And why don't i curl the toothpaste tube up into a little snail?? BECAUSE ITS A WASTE OF TIME GODDAMMIT. anyway yes i love you too sis. I hope all you people i don't know at all have enjoyed reading this blog.

Laura: The moral of the post today

• Tell your sister or brothers that you love them: blood is defo thicker than water.
• And curl the tootpaste tube to save on toothpaste.(Ellen) or...don't because to be honest before I go to sleep especiall after a drunk night, its the last thing im bothered about, unless you're a weird organization obsessive compulsive person like my sister. That is all i have to say. (Laura) What's with all the 'Z's? Do you think that you're bloody American?????? (Ellen) yezz i doezzz (post descends into bickering)

A Historic Third Term: The alternative analysis.

So, the election. I'm not gonna talk about swings. I'm going to talk blusher, and eyebrows.

Last night I counted at least three incidents of crap blusher. Too many overthin and over arching eyebrows, and cases where eyebrows could do with a good going over.

The one that upset me the most was Justine Grenningthingy who stole Putney from us. I swear, I just wanted to attack her with a pair of tweezers. The girl needs to be frogmarched to the nearest beauty salon and have all that extra unruly hair waxed off. And SOON. And someone needs to give her blusher application lessons.one stripe (and slightly too red as well) under her eyes. You use the whole blimming cheek. And a big brush, not normally the one that came with it. And she needed a more peachy based one.

no-one else in the pub really gave a toss what I was blathering on about.

FAME!!!!!!!!!

Ahem. In this week's student media.

http://www.sheffieldbase.com/story.php?s=790

Run like the wind (ha!)

Now, as I said earlier, I insanely signed up to do a race for life thingy. (oh yes, sponsor me! If you like!http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/lauramcleod).

I started off hating running. Seriously. I used to bunk off PE lessons involving soely running - it was ok if I was running with a hockey stick, that was fine, and rounders never required me to run far, but anything like cross country, athletics or my MOST HATED and dreaded thing , the Bleep Test. I've been a memeber of the gym for most of university, and managed to avoid the treadmill until about six weeks ago.

The devil may care aspect of me (I have one, you just have to look) thought I'd sign up to do RFL. and i started training. Oh, and I hated it. It really hurt, made me go all red and bothered and I got terrible latic acid issues in my lower legs. And I got paranoid about my boobs shrinking.

Then the wind changed (yeah, I remain ugly), and about two weeks ago, i actually started to enjoy bouncing about on the treadmill. So much so that when short on time, I ditch the rest of my gym workout and just do the treadmill. And today, I managed to do nearly 7K in 45 mins, and feel fine. So fine, it's scary. I'm even thinking of running to the polling station tomorrow (excercise my democratic rights as well as my body don't cha know) and back. Ok, it's only a mile, but there's hills involved. God, what i'm saying is that i might even carry on with this running lark when I've done the RFL.

I might even do the Bleep Tests that S10 have recently made availible. But that's a whole another phychological block.


Just a little note to myself.....

Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.Must. Write. Dissertation.

Issues that I care about

You know, this whole General election/popery stuff has made me rant a lot at the TV/newspapers/flyers etc of late. I've had massive debates with people over what I think is vitually important of late. So, I thought that I'd just tell you all about issues that I really, really care about. Issues that i want to go and rant at people about, that I want to educate people about, that I would protest about.

1. Women. Not even just women, but at this point in my life, I'm utterly convinced that the whole world needs to be emancipated from socially constructed ideas about gender. I believe that things like female genital mulitation, genocidal rape, treatment of female political prisoners, domestic violence etc etc are a result of gender images that men suffer from as well. I don't hate men at all (far from it), and I believe that they suffer from these constructed images about gender too. I'm not too sure about the new Pope, I really think that the Catholic church really missed a chance there to be more progressive and open to modern ideas that would help women.
2. Disablism. This is, understandably, an issue close to my heart. In short, I'm an avocate of the socail model of disability: that is, you are only disabled if society doesn't adjust for you. The alternative model (which i reject) is the medical model - this states that disability is something that should be "prevented" or "cured." Well, who's to dictate what is right, what's normal, what's socially acceptable? I actually like being deaf, it's part of me and it's not something I want taken away from me. I'd never have an operation to make me "hear" again. Yes, I do find life that bit harder because of my disability - but only when people don't make adjustments to help me. I don't see, or think that disability is soemthing that needs to be prevented or cured.
3. Recycling. I think that we live such a wasteful life here in the West, and we should be seeking a more sustainable lifestyle. How hard can it be to think before you chuck? How hard can it be to remember to take a bag out of the drawer instead of using a new one when you go to the supermarket? How hard can it be having two bins to make sure that you recycle ALL your paper? How hard can it be to buy books from a secondhand bookshop, recycled paper and to re-use printer catridges? With recycling, you have to close the loop you know! and it makes me cross that none of the mainstream parties have actually stated a policy yet on recycling. Why can't money be put into having a zero waste policy - like New Zealand?
4. Racism. I've never been so scared in my entire life. I'm looking at the kind of rhetoric that the Conservative party are using about asylum seekers (and they are not even using the words right 95% of the time there's a difference between economic migrants and asylum seekers - asylum seekers are fleeing terrible, terrible, awful persecution: persecution that we shut our ears off from because we can't bear to hear about it) - and I'm scared that this country is turning into something that I don't like at all - a racist country. Every time I hear of the BNP gaining seats, my heart absolutly sinks. I'm proud to be part of a multicultural country, and I really wish that everyone else was too.

Additional thought.

Incidently, while I'm being big-headed, I must also add that I have bloody fantastic hair.

I am women, hear me roar

Not only was I inspired by a fantastic performance of The Vagina Monologues performed at uni last night, but also a special sparkly friend, Helly. I'm going to list three fantastic things about myself under the headings "I am" and "I have."

I am

• "quite good" (that comes from an old school report, my Mum will get this joke: the teacher told her on the quiet that I was in fact one of the best he'd ever taught, talk about an understated report) at Politics. Heck, I'm even not that bad at History.
• I'm actually an ok cook, far better than I ever make out to be.
• Confident with what I wear, and pull together clothes well.

I have

• Fantastic friends and family.
• Great legs. I have been told this by guys and girls alike. In fact, although at the time I thought this was a bit strange, I was running late for a seminar in history, and as I cut through the hospital, this 80 year old man stopped me and said that I had the best legs he'd ever seen. Who am I to argue with someone who has 80 years worth of legs in his mind?! They were enclosed in tights by the way!
• Got something that I want to do! I'm a lot luckier than most final year students, and having the funding behind me for a PhD is fantastic!

Right, i'd best get back to that dissertation. It's all on track, and for once, I'm ahead of schedule!

Being a rubbish blogger and dissertation writer

Sorry. Having not posted in over a month.

Anyhow, so I'm writing these silly dissertations. Argh. I know exactly what i'm trying to argue and prove in both history and poltics, but it's a case of sitting down and writing a combined total of 17,000 words. I have a fortnight to finish my history, and five weeks for politics. I can't wait to get my history finished, so at least I'll feel like that i've done something, I feel that i've just spent the last semester arsing around not getting stuff done, but when I stop and take stock of it, I've been in that library virtually every day and have maaahooosive files of notes and articles, and detailed plans and heck, I've actually written nearly a third of my history. It'll be nice to have it all bound up into proper little book thingys with the university crest embossed on it.... god, i'm such a sucker for stuff like that!

I'm going to feel like this for the next four years. After many months of forms and interviews and writing darned research propsals and waiting for the bloody post, I'm pleased as punch 'cos i've secured funding for a PhD right here, in Sheffield. Oh yes. The ESRC are going to both be the blessing and bane of my life for the next four years, and undoubtly I'll spend three years and eleven months feeling that I've done nothing. Still, i'm attempting to do some stuff about feminism, the state and war. In short. And i'm so excited about it! Am such a geek. but right now, a happy geek that has yet to hit earth! Can't belive that anyone thinks that i'm clever enough to do a PhD. I feel like an impostor being enrolled on a degree course thank you very much.

Oh, and wasn't Dr. Who scary tonight? I think that I secretly enjoy freaking myself out. wibble. gassy ghostly forms. eeek.

Oh, and my running. For some mad, stupid, insane reason, i signed up to do race for life. you can sponsor me kill myself attempting to run 5K for cancer charitdeee http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/lauramcleod . I totally was not built for running: at all. I don't care what people say: it's not getting easier! and i do excercise, a lot. I go to the gym, and ballet. I live in sheffield for God's sake, on the top of a hill, I exercise every time I'm late for a seminar! But I just can't run. Not without wanting to kill people.

I want to kill people now because i'm supposed to be writing my history dissertation. rahh. First night that i've had in for ages and ages: deliberatly in order to do some work, and I've just not done any.

Procrastination

is apparently a serious problem. I found this on the university counselling website

http://www.shef.ac.uk/counselling/advice/procrastinating

Decided to take some of the advice and start anything, anywhere (I was having a very bad day on politics dissertation) and actually started writing my history dissertation. I know, i couldn't believe it either. Okay, so it was the easy stuff about sources, but i've written 500 words! Maybe i'll do what sophs does and copy some of it up here. Or maybe not.

If only politics was going as well. bah. it's causing me a lot of headaches and have consumed far too many youghurt covered raisons. If only i could find my supervisor. I'm going to camp outside her office if that's what it's going to take to find her!

Stuff n' Stuff

You know those times even when it's a bit crap for you (really, i'll talk about interview tommorow or something) but it's all ok cos your friends are having things work out for them?

It's been like that tonight, what with all the sabb election results! Although Rach lost womens, she found out that her dad had been given the all clear (cancer) and is going to be ok! And George won education - and he wanted it SO much and he's finally got it - amazing amazing happy moment for us all, either we were or felt like we were going to cry with happiness, I had to sit down and breate and stuff like that - the mind boggles what George was like! Then Rachel won welfare which nicely completed it for us!

I have an 8am dissertation meeting tommorow morning. I mentioned to my supervisor that the department wouldn't be open at this insane time, and he said "oh, bang on my window and i'll let you in." Right, so anyone sees me climibing through the window of the history department at 8am tommorow, it's no student prank...., but a perfectly serious meeting which i really should get some sleep for.

Erm, now would be a good idea. I'm still in my coat and scarf eating youghurt covered rasions - purchased a kilo of them today. yes, you can get bags that big! And no, i'm not eating them all I'm not that greedy!

An Imperial War and the British Working Class

is the title of the book that i'm supposed to be reading right now. I've so totally read all my secondary sources for my history dissertation..... not! Was going to spend the next four days being a hermit and not going out at all in order to keep mind fresh and stuff but this is blantently not going to work as i've already agreed to go out for dinner for a friend's birthday.

I could be working now, but i tell myself that i'm still recovering from last night's houseparty. which rocked. Didn't get to bed till 5am - there was no staggering on my part as i Did Not Get Drunk thankfully (particulary after thursday night.... urgh, never again) although most people went at about 2am, a nice little group of politics people (funny that) decided to help out by finishing the punch, which i had made excess amounts of. And the only thing that got broken were some of the kitchen tiles - which frankly has to rate as one of the oddest things to get broken. Hopefully, a bit of superglue and the landlord won't notice.

I might go to the gym now. (you can tell that i'm procrastinanting.) I also have a sudden urge to buy files so I can put in all my stuff that i've photocopied (but not read.... humm). Must motivate self. It's the hardest thing about being an arts student.

Drunk.... again

Of course, because it's only week two, i'm still going out every nitght like a bloody first year student and cos i'm such a lightweight, having a drink or two that makes me really quite pissed. Very excited about forthcoming houseparty.

Should really be panicking cos dissertation supervisor expects me to have read all of my secondary sources by end of next week and io've only read three books so far so clearly have a looooooong way to go. So clearly ignored problem by going to pub.

Actually, i have been ignoring problems quite a lot lately. Tuesday night i ignored the fact that i had a 9am on wednesday by having pancakes and wine with a friend till about 3am. Wednesday i ignored impending amount of work by seeing a film and having cocktails with claire, thursday i ignored research propsal by having drinks with tom and then going to a houseparty where i demonstrated belly dancing moves at 4am, friday i was so tired i was tucked up in bed and asleep by 8:30pm, saturday i went to another houseparty where i straightened my hair for the costume (sandra dee) for the first time in my life (i'm NEVER straightening it again) and i staggered back home at about 5am after drunkenly admitting to somone that i fancied him (long, long, long story), sunday i had loads of people round my house for some random reason; some potential tenats for next year, some people to use our shower, some to have emergency crisis talks with me, some over for dinner and all sorts of stuff. And tonight, buggered off down to pub again.

One can't argue........ i do have a major work - life balance.

It's a healthy attitude to have.

Back to normal

oh yes. Was excited today with first day back at school kinda feeling. After craziness of past two months - i really feel as if i've lost the whole of January - today was first day back at uni. Despite having no lectures or seminars, i was the good proper little swot and started work on my dissertations. (yes, ok, inbetween trips to union bar to catch up with people). So back to normal.

Dunno what is normal though. I can't think of any two weeks since i've started uni that even resemble each other. Like, already this week i've done two new things! I went to the uni coffee lounge that i've never been to (even though it's been there for the whole of my degree!!) and i've purchased a ticket to go and see a film on wednesday in the union (it's subtitled cos the film is in chinese), and aside from the fact that this will be only the third film that i've seen in a cinema since starting uni, i've never been to a union film showing.

Gosh, new adventures! And it's only monday!